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| Tuesday, April 29, 2008 |
| In his army singlet and shorts |
Now guys, please do not get me wrong. I'm not wearing Melvyn's shirt and shorts at his place. I'm wearing it at the comfort of my own home, while he is at his own place. I know many dirty minded humans out there would be thinking much deeper into that suggestive title.
Why did I even post that title?
It's the bloody thought of Australia again. Somehow whatever I do, reminds me of Australia and how I'm gonna cope there. I'm getting more positive as I know roughly which degree I should pursue, however if it's gonna take more than 2 years, no fucking way am I going through with it. It's so fucking hard to even be there for 1.5 years, needless to say 2 or even 2.5 years. But It's getting fucking wussy and gay for me to be tearing and be even close to crying, as I travel on the bus, blasting songs that remind me of all my loved ones, and songs about leaving on a jet plane and what other fucking emotional tunes I have. It's just getting too much for me to take right now.
Well back to the Singlet shiat, Wearing Mel's Army Singlet (he loan it to me when I needed to change) just got me thinking about how life would be like there. Would I be crying myself to sleep every night? Would I be having fun in the day, and crying my lungs out at night? Would I be able to live through it? What friends would I make? Would I even have friends? My sister told me I would make friends for sure, but... I'm doubtful of my social skills right now. I've reached a stage of my life whereby I'm too absorbed in my own comfort zone, I am reluctant to leave.
My whole life is here. I imagine not having to call up my best friend just to gossip about her work and to randomly date her for a shopping spree or dinner. I hate to imagine the thought of my punktards being far away even though we hardly meet up these few days, but when we do, i must say it is eventful and I feel updated and refreshed. I'll miss that feeling of random messages from the Punktards, like T and her work, R and her cookies or job, and Y messaging about whether all of us are free. I'll miss hanging out with the Odds, I'll miss the random lepaking sessions we have and doing our 3 favourite things. (I hope you guys will know what are the 3 things we always do) OMG, Singapore and everyone in the small red dot, I'll miss you and the environment.
The thought of going astray has been running through my mind, especially with regards to Melvyn and I. It has been tying me down, and I don't know what to do about it. It seems as though, the day I leave, feels like a break up, because I've no confidence in myself. What's worse is there have been suggested dates for departure. And one of the more potential dates, would be M and I's First Year Anniversary. How the fuck am I suppose to stop myself from crying on that very day? It's not that I do not have confidence in Melvyn. I've so much confidence in Melvyn and in us, but not in myself. How pathetic can I??! I keep telling myself , let Australia be a test for the both of us... let it be a test for us...but would it turn out beautiful and wonderful in the end ? who knows. I wouldn't want to break his heart, that's for sure.
I just hope, I don't run out of tears by the time It's time for me to leave.
Labels: Randoms |
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